I got it about a week ago!!! XD Haven’t had the time to play dress up yet, so I did that today. However, I am sad because there was hardly any daylight left. *sigh* Oh well. Horridly DARK and yellowy-orange evening photos ensue!!! *EDIT 2.19.10* I color corrected my photos! So they are not as yellow and dark anymore XD

I’m proud of the coordinate I came up with XD And happy that the only pair of shoes that fits me is still in my possession. But still, so sad I missed the matching bonnet!!! T.T *Edit 2.19.10* About a week after this post, I was lucky enough to find a girl running a shopping service for the new Baby the Stars Shine Bright store in San Fran! She was taking reservations for the bonnet and I asked her to get one for me Now I have my dream coordinate!!! XD

One of those…. toy dog poses lol. I look like someone’s pet cocker spaniel XD

You TOO, can be glamorous (or have the illusion of big eyes) with circle lens lol.

And here is one video I did today. A better, clearer, longer version to come this weekend XD

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I didn’t want to change out of my outfit T.T I only feel pretty when I’m dressed up in lolita! I feel like poo in everyday wear… when I go to work… or see my family. I feel much more confident and princessy in lolita clothing *^^* Alas, Cinderella turned back into a slave, her carriage back into a pumpkin, her horses back into mice… all good things come to an end. (Will I get her happy ending someday, I hope?)

Speaking of happy endings, I had the most awesome dream last night/this morning. But let me explain a few things before going into the dream. I watched the first episode of Honey and Clover last night before I went to sleep. In the episode, the art school boys share croquettes with various condiments like mayo (there’s a very specific mayo they had in the anime that I use in real life lol. You can get it at the Asian grocery. It’s a squishy bottle with a red cap and a baby printed on the front).

Anyway, I dreamed that I was a trainee at “some” music company in Japan. My celeb crush was looking out for me, albeit in an odd way. He didn’t show it, but rather the opposite, in that playful almost annoyed attitude XD He gave me a croquette. As I was munching on it, I noticed the mayo bottle (the same one with the baby printed on it lol!!!) was in his hand lmao!!! Anyway he told me to give him one, to which I replied “you have the whole bag in your hand there.” He grabbed my hand and took a bite of my croquette O.O And that’s when I was called out for my stage performance *_*

Two fantasies in one dream. *sigh* You wouldn’t believe how grumpy I was when I woke up XD *sigh* Let me dream again!!! I have a feeling I had such a vivid dream because I exercised that night. My body is probably like, WHAT BE THIS HEART THUMPING??? WE PUT STRANGENESS INTO THY BRAIN~~~

And now I’m off to work out again XD Gotta lose the E.T. belly!!!

I can think of so many negative things I want to say and complain about it, but nobody cares to hear about that sort of thing. I can’t help but feel like I have nobody to confide in anymore. Or rather, even if I do, I get shot down anyway. Maybe the saying is true, that you can only rely on yourself.

I’ve been considering every now and then if I should get out of lolita fashion… the major thing is I just don’t look as good in it like the models do, or even girls who are 5′4” and have long shapely legs. It’s not that I don’t have confidence in myself… it’s just life. It’s expensive, most of the everything is too big/long for me anyway, and I’ve been developing new hobbies and interests that also require a lot of money.

I’ve been wondering if I should give up on the large ball-jointed dolls too. I haven’t really bonded with my girl very much, but it’s also because I haven’t really bought anything for her. I should have listened to the advice of doll enthusiasts who told me to start out with a small doll first. I really like Elfdoll Sylf and have already found a ton of slightly more affordable wigs and clothes that I’d like to buy. Well, the clothes I can make myself, since they are so small. My Robin is another story. I don’t have patience to make clothes for myself (I’ve only successfully made ONE lolita blouse and skirt, and ONE successfully completed cosplay), and even though Robin is considerably smaller I still have no patience to sew for her size either. It may be because of being burnt out on my full time job… on my days off I don’t feel like doing very much (save for reading manga or playing video games. Speaking of which I read all of Card Captor Sakura!!! It was so sweet XD now I remember how much I loved CLAMP’s stuff).

Speaking of which I am re-reading Alice 19 from the beginning, though I’ve read it halfway through before. Just in case I missed something. I get my 7 minutes of joy when One Piece and Naruto are released every week too… they need to make those issues longer!!! And Berserk just doesn’t come out fast enough… is Miura-san done with Idol Master yet??? Or is he doing the teaching thing? I’d love to learn art from him XD

I feel kind of down. I’m easily discouraged. That and I’m just confused and don’t know where to start. I want to work creatively… I hate working in a bank. I hate people in general, especially crabby rich folk who think the whole world has to cater to them. Well, some of the poor folk are pretty awful too. But let’s not get into that anymore.

I sent my demo to Fluxus so here’s to hoping I make it… I sang “Blue923″ by Loveholic. And “Lonely in Gorgeous” by Tommyfebruary6 (they specified a ballad and a dance song, and since I’m not very pop/dance friendly it was the one song my sister mentioned that i liked XD) I think I will start working on another demo to send to Sony Japan too. Maybe sans lolita, since they already have Nana Kitade and Kanon Wakeshima under their label…

I wish I could magically find bandmates. You know most people want to be like Nana.. she’s sexy and cool and just totally awesome… but when I think of myself I think as a vocalist I’m more the Reira type (and personality-wise I’m a mixture of Komatsu Nana and Misato the lolita/Vivienne Westwood fangril lol). I wish I had a Naoki, Ren, and Takumi to lean on though… I guess I need to socialize more… try to find bandmates. Inspiring people who can write music together with me… perform with me… even that seems like a dream. But everytime I think of bandmates, I think of an all female band, or a band with me being the only girl. Not an even mix O.o I wonder why that is? Too much Nana I guess.

InnoSera is this weekend! I’m excited and somehow a little down. Well one thing I have no money to spend (T.T) and I know I’m going to be making grabby hands at all the Baby the Stars Shine Bright, Elfdoll, and Dollheart stuff. I’m going to be jealous of how pretty the models will be at the BTSSB fashion show… they are bringing their own hair and makeup artists, so undoubtedly all the girls will look beautiful… *sigh* I wish I could feel the power of Japanese makeup artists XD

I have my outfits picked out though! I just hope my blouse comes in time… and I hope my girl’s new body gets here in time so I can take her too!!! I’m worried about picking up my registration on Friday, since they stop at 6:00PM and I get off of work at 5:30-ish… and they are in Bellevue and work is in Seattle… *sigh* I wonder if I should change clothes for registration day? I’d feel like crap if people are already dressed in their cutest lolita and aristocrat while I’m stuck in granny bank clothes. Maybe I’ll change in the car….

I have a to do list to accomplish by the end of the month… one of the things on my list is to get my passport! My first passport. Wow. I’ve gotta take some good photos at home since I usually like my own photo taking more than others taking pics of me. I know which angles I like more XD Hopefully I will have some money to do it ^^;; I think it costs like $100 for a first time passport… did you know in Korea they are allowed to photoshop your passport photo to make it all pretty? I’m a bit peeved because in the U.S. you are not by any means allowed to photoshop and enhance your face in any way >.<

*sigh* and I still have my Oklahoma license… it expires next year so I figured I would procrastinate. I don’t drive anymore so I don’t need to worry about being pulled over and having the wrong address on file. Brent has his new spiffy WA license. He doesn’t like his photo XD But they had to retake it like 4 times because he kept smiling goofily.

I have to try and stay positive, but I’m just not a positive person lol. When I go to work and they spout all this “Let’s go team!” bullcrap I really get sick to my stomach. I’m serious, my stomach literally does flips. Then again I was the student in highschool who skipped pep rallies and crap and go hide out in the art room and borrow all their art supplies lol. Man I miss those days.

My art needs more love. I will probably post my paper doll entry for InnoSera on deviantART (and I didn’t win, by the way XD it’s expected though, everyone favors clean vector drawings over hand done stuff… I’m a little old and outdated I suppose. But I’m curious to see who won, I bet it’s really cute).

I should probably sleep. Hell awaits me in the morning (work).

I can’t wait till InnoSera… hopefully I will get a lot of good shots!

Saturday night I went to watch the Seattle Symphony play Final Fantasy: Distant Worlds. Nobuo Uematsu was there in the flesh!!! He was dressed in… grey and white shrine gear??? Lol and he had long hair and wore a blue and white bandana XD He is full of awesome. Looks like he may have gone to Pike Place Market too, because he wielded none other than…. a fish…. A rubber fish, but a fish nonetheless. In a concert hall XD Anyway the symphony was amazing. I forgot what song they opened with, but everytime they played a song from FF8 or 7 I teared up XD And they played the game sequences on the big screen, so watching 8’s ending CG’s with Laguna and Raine made me bawl XD It was a really amazing concert. And I’m sure the orchestra never had such a geeky, rambunctious crowd; we must have given them applause after EVERY song. And two standing ovations XD Near the end, Uematsu-san and Mr. Arnie Roth (the conductor) threw the fishes into the crowd XD Well, rather Uematsu-san threw one into the crowd, and Mr. Roth threw it behind him at one of the violinists LOLOLOL

I want to go again!!! I want to hear the music again. Grand band version of the chocobo theme XD Epic “Man with the Machine Gun” (I loved how they played his limit break sequence!!! And the Dollet battles for the battle theme!!!) and the Final Fantasy 1, 2, and 3 medley. I never played 6, 11, or 12, but now I want to. I just wish I had the time to play looooong RPG’s again. I’m sure I can fit it into my life somehow though XD And Uematsu is returning for FF14!!! The games just aren’t the same without his music!

And today we had the epic swap meet!!! I got a few awesome trades out of it too. And after seeing the Meta candy house skirt in person, I am KEEPING it. The elastic on the waist is AMAZING. Not like Baby’s TIGHT TIGHT waistbands (who REALLY has a 24 inch waist anyway???). Which gave me this great idea for my pettis. I’m going to take out all the elastic and replace them with ribbon, so I can just tie it onto my waist. And not die from lack of hair XD And loosen the ribbon when I eat a lot O.o

So now I gotta pre-register for InnoSera, pay my cell phone bill and my camera bill, and I’m done with payments owed for the month. Hurrah! XD